It is all about me.

“It is always all about you Mr. Missionary! You are such a joke!” This is the response that I received a couple of weeks ago when I placed a update on my facebook profile. Angie and I were in the US for a few days for a pastor´s conference and we decided that we would treat ourselves at to Red Lobster (One of the things that I crave from living in a country that is completely landlocked). The comment caught me off guard mostly because it came from a person that was very close to me. “It is all about you!”

I spent several days contemplating the statement. I have always believed that there is some degree of truth to every criticism. So the process of self examination began. The conclusion I came to was the person was both right and wrong at the same time. It was all about me and it was not all about me.

I remember when we felt that God wanted us to start the House of Dreams Orphanage. I was walking to my office one day and I saw some children sleeping on the streets. In my spirit I felt that God saying “someone has to do something about the orphans in this city”. Being the Christian that I am agreed and said “yes Lord, someone has to do something. I will pray about that” and I went on to my office. The next day as I was walking to the office I saw more children and God said the same thing, “someone must do something about the orphans in this city”. I agreed again “yes Lord someone must and I said I would pray about it” and went on to my office. The third day God said the same thing and the third time I realized that He wanted to tell me something; I was that somebody that needed to do something”. After a few weeks of starting the orphanage I realized as I played with the kids I needed the orphanage as much as the kids needed it. I needed a practical way to obey God and do what Jesus did.

I remember the first time we hosted our first international pastor’s conference. We really did not have a desire to host an international conference because we had our hands full doing with the national conferences that we conducting. We did not have the funding. Neither did we have the time. But one day while I was in pray God asked me “will you go to other countries around the world and help pastors?” I was so over overwhelmed with the opportunity to do something for my Father after he had done some much for me that I could not help but to say yes. The first conference was a nightmare. Just about everything went wrong that could possibility go wrong. But at the end of the day when a pastor that had travel 14 hours to attend the two day event came up to me with tears in his eyes thanking me I finally understood. I needed to host the conference even more than he needed to be there because I needed to see the heart of the Father pleased when we were able to help others.

When we started the church here in Cochabamba we started in the typical way that every first time pastor does. With much aspirations but very little experiences. The first few years were the hardest and most frustrating thing we ever did. We preached our hearts out only to see less and less people come back the next week. Until finally the day came when I looked my wife in the eye and told her it was not worth it. It was just too hard. Maybe God was not in it but was a good idea. No sooner did I make the decision to quit after service a elderly women from the congregation came up to me thanking me. She had recently had a stroke so half of her face was not working correctly. But as she grabbed my hands and thanked me over and over again with tears in her eye for God placing me in her life I came to the realization… again… that I needed to help her as much as she needed to be helped. ..even more… she was ministering to me as well.

The good thing about the comment that I received on facebook was it got me to contemplating was it all about me and the answer that I came up with was yes and no. I would hope it is not all about me when we minister to orphans help people and help our church members grow. I hope that in there somewhere it is all about God. On the other had in this mixture of serving God there is a part of me that comes into the picture, where it is all about me. My need to express my love for God in a real way. My need to somehow make an eternal difference. My need to hear my Heavenly Father say “son, I am proud of you”. So I would say that I am selfish and sacrificial at the same time. If that is possible?